So, I've been on this whole "how do I experience shame and how do I cope with shame" kick and this week I noticed that - Drum roll..... Shame isn't all about me (shocker, right!) that other people are feeling shame, and they need and deserve the same compassion I am desiring them to give to me. (Sounds like the Golden Rule right?)
I was reading an article this week about a young man who is a mascot, and how much he loved putting on that uniform, going out in public and being that awesome dancer and really cool guy, but, then contrasted that to how hard it was for him to live his everyday life without the costume. He said he had to hide his real self from everyone he knew because he was afraid he wouldn't be accepted.
This is a young man, who has same-sex attraction, was afraid that the community he grew up in would not accept that part of him. So he kept it secret. He said that in some circles he felt it might not matter and in other circles they would criticize and demean people who were of same-sex attraction not ever knowing that they were actually making jokes of him.
While I was reading this article it really hit me hard that I have said some really cruel things not really thinking about who might be hearing me say such an unkind, un-compassionate thought or opinion. Not just things about same-sex attraction but also things about people in general while standing in a grocery line I might say something judgmental about single moms, or babies who always throw fits in the store because they want toys, or maybe a comment about the way people smell or the way people look - just any opinion I might have int he moment, something that I thought was offensive and for some reason felt the need to express it right then with out thinking at all that the people around me might hear me and be deeply hurt by the cruel things that I was saying or simply that the cruel things I was saying were not truth and should never have been spoken let alone thought of.
I started wondering how many times does my neighbor come over to my house seeking sympathy and help and my conversation turned to drama and gossip instead.
Then my thoughts turned to the worst thought of all - how many times have I shamed my children in an attempt to discipline and teach but instead my voice is demeaning and cruel, assuming that I know more than they do, assuming that I am all-powerful and perfect; with the idea that the more shame I inflict the better teacher I am.
These thoughts really hit me hard this week and it's time to take a really good look at my own actions and take some measures to change my behavior. Some people would say, "Jenny, don't be hard on yourself! You're a good person!" Okay, I'll be honest, I am a pretty dang good person. But I have to change. I have to be more aware and have more compassion for those I love AND for strangers whom I don't even know whether they are listening or not.
I'm honestly not sure how to do this. But with "God all things are possible" and surely he wants me to be more patient and loving and kind and compassionate; so, I'll take it to him and trust that he will support my efforts. Starting right now, I am feel and express the compassion I need others to extend for me.
The picture and story above are from a Deseret News article Feb. 26, 2019 You can find the whole story here:
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